PARENTING OF TEENAGE BOYS

Parenting of Teen SON

Teen Son needs your attention

There are however certain problems that your teenage son faces which he might not be comfortable discussing with you. A few of them are listed below.

"My parents don't care about me." - Teenager needs emotional support from their mother as well as father more than from anyone else. If parents are busy ignoring their teenagers, than that can be a serious communications gap.

"I hate myself." – Boys also suffer from depression. They can be sensitive and emotional and depression leads to many problems, which if not taken care of can be devastating.

"I do want to live" - Depression and inferiority complex, unable to compete, unable to meet the expectations of parents etc. lead towards extreme thought of suicide among young boys.

"I love her” – Disturbingly, but your son will go through infatuations and love. Make him understand the differences of infatuation, love and marriage.

"(An older male friend or relative) keeps sexually abusing me." Most abuse occurs at home, occurs more than once, and occurs as a result of the actions of a family member or friend of the family. Boys may have serious reactions of shame, guilt and self-hatred following these episodes.

"I did something shameful". Teenage boys do masturbate and so your son too.

Talk betwen father son

Teenage boys may pose to be something for the outside world, which is a imaginary self-confidence and bravado, and normally hide the shame he felt at his feelings of vulnerability, powerlessness and isolation.

Boys take time to open themselves. They think it's necessary that they handle their problems alone. The boy who is having problems may seem cheerful and resilient while keeping inside the feelings of being troubled, lonely, afraid, desperate.

Listen and observe him with attention : Being parents you should always be alert. Look for those early signs of trouble. These signs include everything from bad grades to rowdy behavior, from "seeming quiet" to manifesting symptoms of depression, from using tobacco or drugs or alcohol to becoming a perpetrator or victim of violence. Thus become sensitive to the early signs of the masking of feelings.

Talk to him and understand his viewpoint : Be patient to him, don't push him and don't be nagging, so that they don't feel afraid or ashamed to share their true feelings. Show him that he means a lot to you and that you are proud of him.

Give him time : Boys who do share their feelings often take longer to do so than girls do. He has to determine how much time he needs to remain silent before opening up to share his feelings.

Make him feel comfortable : The next step is to make him feel at ease. Rather than nudging a boy to sit down and share his feelings with us, parents can begin by simply joining him in an activity that he enjoys. You can forge a connection that then enables him to open up.

Respect the real boy in him : Finally, parents can often help boys take off their masks by sharing stories about our own experiences, mistakes and mischief. By discovering that, yes, his parents too have felt scared, embarrassed, or disappointed; the boy begins to feel less ashamed of his own vulnerable feelings. 

He feels our sympathy and discovers that we understand, love, and respect the real boy in him.

Dr Jyot 
Teen mentor