Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Infatuation-Love-Relationship Boys R Boys & Girls R Girls

Differences in attitudes between the genders start early. Both genders communicate with each other as if they came from different planets. We don't become different over the years, but rather we start out that way. It would be reasonable to assume that teen boys and girls differ on their approaches to friendship, meeting and where to seek advice. Teens, despite the fact that you live together here on planet Earth, go to the same schools and share many similar experiences, your attitudes to approach to opposite gender is quite different.

Attraction: The eyes have it...
Girls and boys agree on one thing: The majority of believe a person's looks are what first catches the attention of the opposite gender. Although looks do play a part in the game of attraction, boys are more likely to admit it. Do girls go for personality over looks? They do, even though boys have doubts about that. Why the disparity between what girls claim and what boys believe? Because boys know physical attraction is very important to them, so they naturally assume girls feel the same way. For many boys, love begins with the eye, but for many girls, it begins in the heart. That's not something that will go out of style. It's simply how we are wired by nature. Teens, your personality works to your best advantage if you remember this rule: Be yourself. Sure, doing something awkward or dangerous or silly or cruel may get you noticed -- but may be for all the wrong reasons. So don't try to be something or someone else just because you think that is what others are looking for. That way, you'll attract the right person, for all the right reasons.

Advice: Most Teens turn to their friends
Most of the girls and so boys get advice on the opposite gender from their friends. Only few boys keep to themselves on this issue. No surprise there. Teens are notorious for banging their heads against walls before getting wise and opening up on the issue of love. Getting information is OK; deciding whether to use it; is your decision. How can any teen know what is the right or wrong thing to do? No matter who gives you the advice, remember that the final decision is yours, so do what you know in your heart is right. If it turns out you've chosen the wrong approach, well, it may be difficult to accept at first, but don't let it get you down. The truth is, we all make mistakes. Just take whatever lessons you learned from the experience and keep them in mind for the next relationship.

Friends: The opposite gender isn't just for meeting anymore
One way in which girls and boys are similar is how they choose their friends. Many teens are gender blind and realize it's possible to have good friends of the opposite gender. Despite having a mix of friends, it's not surprising that more than 50% of boys and girls, find it more difficult to relate to friends of the opposite gender. No one wants to blow a new relationship by doing or saying the wrong thing -- even when you are "just friends." As time goes on, the relationship may take a different, perhaps romantic, path.

Teens: to keep your options open:
Treat all friends -- male and female -- with the same respect and appreciation you'd like to get from them. When having an open discussion, don't be afraid to tell it like it is. At the same time, remember that words may create bad feelings as well as inspire good feelings, so choose your words carefully. Master your communication skills: tone, vocabulary and body language too.

Hanging out: vs. pairing off.
On Saturday evening majority of boys and also girls prefer to hang out with friends of both genders together. The concept of pairing off into couples is still new to a lot of teens and a number of them were jealous when their friends started dating before them. Does this kind of jealousy mean teens are insecure? Not at all. In the race toward adulthood, no one likes to be left behind. When it seems as if our friends are moving at warp speed toward romance, it's natural to feel a bit jealous, but don't let that get in the way of friendship. Everyone grows, emotionally and physically, at his or her own pace. You can't rush the process. However, you can prepare yourself for the experience. Knowledge is power, so don't be afraid to ask questions. You love your friends, and they love you, so be happy for them. Friendship is demonstrated by actions, not only words. Sticking by her side as a friend is going through changes will ensure she does the same when it's your turn. As we grow, sometimes we also grow apart, and that's OK. Sometimes our life journey takes us out of familiar territory. If it turns out that your friend goes in a different direction from one you feel comfortable taking, that's all right. You don't necessarily have to follow. It doesn't mean your paths won't cross again sometime in the future or you may also find another friend who wants to carry journey together.

Meeting: Who Makes the first move for friendly relationship?
Another way in which girls and boys think alike is that both agree there's nothing wrong with girls calling boys. It's acceptable for a girl to ask a boy. Still, if a girl is interested in a boy and prefers that he do the asking, what can she say to encourage him? Initiate a discussion to know the liking and planning for the weekend. Then hint your interest in the similar activities. Try this phrase: "There's so much happening this weekend. Are you going to the [shop, dance, movie, picnic]?" After he answers, respond with: "I was thinking of going, too." Now pause. This gives him the time to put two and two together. If he's interested, he'll come up with the right response. Just give him time. When it comes to matters of the heart, boys are not known for being fast talkers.

Sexual Intercourse: Consider your reputation
That brings us to the topic of gender. Many teens think less of girls who have had intercourse than of boys who have had intercourse. Is this fair? No way. But this fact should make teen girls pause to consider whether sacrificing their reputation for a gender experience is something they really want to do. Teens, to help you make up your mind about gender, ask yourself these questions: Have the two of you been meeting long enough to feel lasting emotions toward each other? Do your parents know about your friendship? Will they acknowledge your friendship and accept for permanent relationship? If so, have you considered the long-term consequences of intimacy? After all, if you split up, having had gender may make the heartache far worse. Also, was the suggestion to have gender made on the spur of the moment, with no consideration of what your feelings might be afterward? And if you do choose that route, will either of you use contraception? Are you aware about unsafe intercourse, AIDS and other diseases? Are you aware about teenage pregnancy and risk attached to it? Answering "no" to any of those questions is proof positive that you are not ready for this experience at this time in your life. You should never feel you have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You are smart boys and girls ... and that should make all adolescents proud. Being a teen isn't easy. Never in our history have teens had as much stress as they do today. The pressure to succeed that school and society place on you has never been more intense. Today's teenagers may be wiser about the opposite gender than their parents or grandparents were when they were young. Our differences are part of our nature. Still, with the knowledge that you'll carry forward into and through your adult years, your generation will have a better chance than any that has preceded you to grow together in understanding and in love.

Which quality in the opposite gender first catches their attention?
Both boys and girls first consider looks, but few insists personality is No. 1. It is always how they look. After you know they're fine, you look for personality. Then you want someone with sense of humor and funny. What really attracts boys and girls as friends? All friends really need are similar interests.: like enjoys shopping and talking on the phone; or to study psychology or business in college or going out to movie or picnic etc..

From whom do you seek advice about the opposite gender????????
My sister and my friends, No way, because I feel most comfortable speaking with them. They're going through the same situations, as I am, and they won't judge me if I need help. Either my girlfriend or my mom. My girlfriend and I are really close. My dad gives me good advice on my girlfriend. My mom usually says, "Go ask your dad." Do you think it's possible to have a good friend of the opposite gender? Oh.. i am so.. confused.....................whom to ask..??

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Thursday, December 9, 2010

First time Bleeding from Vagina: An event for celebration? For preteens/teens daughters and parents

First time Bleeding from vagina: An event for celebration? For preteens/teens daughters and parents.
During my email counselling many parents do inquire about MENARCHE and how and when to inform the young daughter. Also young girls also worried about their first period and pain and embarrassment and all inquire on email. So, Dear parents and girls, one day, it happens. Some of the symptoms may tell you when it may about to happen. But no one can tell you when it will really happen. It will happen in the morning or during day or during night. It may happen at school or on picnic or in movie hall. It happens to every healthy girl in the world. You might have got cut and seen blood running out of the skin. You apply antiseptic (Dettol) or Bandage to stop the blood flow. you might have sucked the blood oozing out from fingers. If it is worse you go for dressing to the doctor.

One day, for the first time you will begin to bleed from your vagina. This blood is different than what you have seen from cutting the skin. It will be your first period “the MENARCHE’—the first of many (500 or so) you will have in the course of your adult life. It's a sign that you're growing up for reproduction, having healthy and normal body, transformation from child body into an adult body. The changes may begin as early as, when you're nine years or they may not begin until you are twelve, thirteen, or even sixteen. All bodies don't grow at the same rate. You can see some of the changes. Your breasts will get bigger. Your hips will get wider. Hair will begin to grow under your arms and on your pelvic. Pimple come on cheeks, back or neck.

Menarche (men-NAR-key) is the time of first period in daughter’s life. Many families celebrate menarche, as the time when a girl becomes a complete woman. The little daughter is attaining maturity for motherhood. Sometimes parties, gifts, and congratulations celebrate a daughter’s first period. Some families are more private about menarche. But whether or not menarche is celebrated in your family, it is an exciting, sometime even embarrassing and important moment in girl’s life to remember. It is a birthday of woman from girl, and should be remembered and celebrated every year. It is a day of complete woman.

It is not dirty, but it a biological human process for reproduction. Girl is not becoming untouchable. Girl can pray and wash their hairs. Only some social and community do not allow them to pray or go to temple or wash their hairs, or make her untouchable for those 5 days when bleeding from vagina continues. If social norms, community norms and family values are strict, one can follow without any harm instead of opposing them strongly. Some religious places do not allow girls from puberty to menopuse due to this reason.

Girls and boys have different reproductive organs. Only girls have the labia, clitoris, urethra, and the opening of the vagina, which are all parts of vulva. You can use a hand-mirror to look at your own vulva. There are other changes that happen inside your body, which will make it possible for you to get pregnant and have a baby. The parts of your body that can develop a baby, inside your abdomen, are called reproductive organs. These parts are the vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. Your vagina connects vulva to the reproductive organs inside your body. All parents are worried about their daughter, once her body becomes capable of reproduction. All restrictions on girls, like parties, staying out, going out on dating, are for the only reason, that she should not unintentionally or forcefully or for experience sake, indulge into sexual intercourse with male and become pregnant. Pre-marriage pregnancy is not accepted in our Indian society.

How does girl’s reproductive system work? :
Girls have two ovaries, which hold hundreds of tiny eggs(Ovum), which you can't see them without a microscope. Girls are born with all the eggs they will ever have. An ovary releases one egg about once a month. Before the egg is let go, the uterus begins building up a lining, made of tissue. The lining is like a soft nest for the egg if pregnancy happens. Ovulation happens when the egg leaves from one of the ovary. Then, the egg moves through a fallopian tube toward the uterus. Most of the time, the egg breaks apart, before it gets to the uterus. But that doesn't always happen. If a sperm from a male penis during sexual intercourse through vagina, meets the egg on its way to the uterus, they may join together, which is called fertilization. Pregnancy begins as a fertilized egg implants itself to the lining of the uterus.

Most of the time the egg breaks apart and the lining of tissue and blood is not needed. It flows out of uterus, through cervix, through vagina, and out of body. This is called menstrual flow. There are usually 14-16 days from ovulation to the beginning of a girl's period. But the time from the beginning of the period to the next ovulation may vary. It may be less than one week. It may be two weeks or more. The time from the first day of one period to the first day of the next is called a menstrual cycle. Menstrual cycles will likely to go on until menopause up to the age of 45 to 55 years.

How long will the menstruation period last? :
Periods usually last from four to seven days. The flow usually starts light, rusty color. It can get heavy for two or three days with dark red color, then get light again until it stops. Everyone’s periods and menstrual cycles will be different. What will be normal for you, may not be normal for your friend. Menstrual cycles as well as periods may not always last the same number of days when they first begin. It may take few months for your body to get adjusted. You may have a light flow or a heavy flow. Your periods may be late or early. You may even skip some months in first year before becoming regular. Your period may be late when you get sick. It may be late when you worry about things. Most likely your periods and cycles will become more regular in a year or two.

How often will I have my period? :
You will have a period about once a month. A normal menstrual cycle can be as short as 21 days or more than 35 days. Changes from month to month are also normal. Most girls and women don't feel ovulation when it happens. They don't know for sure when it actually occurs. But ovulation takes place around the middle of each menstrual cycle. Many girls mark a calendar with an X on the days they bleed. For most teenage girls, their period will happen every 28 days or so. Keeping a calendar will help you predict when you will bleed again, and when you are going to need sanitary pads. Also, you'll be able to know if your period is late or early. If you'll have a record, then you may know the need to see a Gynaecologist about any menstruation problem.

Will I feel weak when I lose blood during my period? :
May not. There are only four to six tablespoonfuls of blood in the whole flow. This is a small amount. The rest is bits of the unused tissue lining and other fluids. By the time your period ends, it will have amounted to between half a cup and a full cup of liquid. Most teenagers use either sanitary napkin or washable cloth pad to absorb the flow. Cloth pads can be made at home from good quality cotton cloth as per your size requirement. Cloth pad can be washed with hot water or antiseptic solution and reused. Sanitary napkins are available in drugstores, which are single use disposable type only. Usually they come in packages of ten, with user instructions in it. They come in different sizes and varieties. You will need to decide which type of pad is most comfortable for you. Most pads stay in place by sticking to the inside of panties. Others are pinned to underwear. Some are held in place by special belts.
A nice video link to celebrate first menstruation of daughter : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVI89uVPqOs

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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Learn to say NO...to....TOBACCO, ALCOHOL, DRUGS, SEX.

Adolescents by the time reach to their legal adult age, firm up their own identity in family, among friends and in the society at large. Unlike western countries, Indian adolescents in the age group 18 years to 25 years are still dependent on their parents financially. Indian family, social and cultural values are strong.

These strong values of life and bubbling young adult age fight with each other. The age seeks experimentation and adventure in the unexplored areas. The young boys & girls or may call them young men and women are at the crossroads of their life, where if they learn to say ‘NO’ to undesirable products or behavior, they will learn to live healthy, happy and safe life.

Today, due to revolution in internet and communication technologies, information access has become very easy and confidential. Mass media, print as well as electronic, are bombarding promotional information and advertisement on this highly potential and vulnerable age group.

Potential risk areas are:

* Chewing and smoking of TOBACCO
* Drinking of ALCOHOL
* Experimentation with DRUGS
* Experimentation with SEXUAL activities.

The young adults, men and women should be made aware of the after effects of all the above. Choice is left to them, which path they would like to travel on to reach their life goal.

The first three, tobacco, alcohol and drugs are in any form injurious to their own health. If one gets addicted after experimentation, it becomes difficult to leave. So adolescents have to learn to say “NO” to even at experimentation stage itself.

The fourth area of experimentation with sexual activities is the most difficult to say “NO”, because as such SEX is not injurious to health. In view of this each adolescents will have to know their own sexuality and sexual urge during critical age period that is their biological maturity for reproduction and their social maturity of reproduction (After Marriage).

The menstruation in females and wet-dream in males is the starting age where healthy discussion can start about reproductive healthcare between parents and adolescents. The college life is the age where infatuation and attraction towards opposite gender is normal. Daydreaming and sexual fantasy becomes very natural during these college days. Experimentation with Masturbation by both the gender is normal and healthy behavior.

The adolescents have to learn the purpose of Abstinence, to delay sexual activities till the marriage. They should know that menstruation, wet-dream and masturbation is not dirty, but they are biological and emotional processes.

More than that all adolescents should be made aware about likely genital infections, symptoms, and its preventive care. Daily Hygienic care is must. They learn to distinguish about healthy and unhealthy sexual behavior.

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